Missing Husband…Or Is He?
David Rockey
On August 26, 2002, David Rockey (age 51), left his Bartlesville, Oklahoma home headed for a job interview. That was the last time his wife, Peggy saw him. For seven years Peggy wondered where her husband was, if he was dead or alive and if he was being harmed. The torment of having a missing family member must have been hell. David left behind his wife and two children.
Peggy elicited the help of a private investigator who told her that he was likely murdered buried in a neighboring county. A psychic was also brought in to help locate her missing husband — to no avail. David Rockey was gone without a trace. The only evidence that could be found was his car that was recovered at Tulsa International Airport. Other than that, it appeared that David Rockey had vanished into thin air, until last month.
Peggy Rockey was soon to be faced with the decision of having David declared legally dead. However, David Rockey attempted to apply for a license in South Dakota and was found alive. He was not missing after all – he was a runaway husband. I cannot imagine the shock this woman must have went through realizing that her husband was not “missing” at all, but had taken off for reasons unknown with absolutely no contact in almost 7 years. What a POS.
Peggy has filed for divorce and requested a restraining order, to keep David from getting his paws on marital assets. Frankly, after almost 7 years and this poor woman having to fend for herself, he deserves ZILCH. Get a job, David! Not only did this man destroy his wife and family with his disappearance, but he wasted precious law enforcement resources who thought he was actually missing or had fallen victim to foul play. Why not just ask for a divorce if you’re not happy? Why put his family through this and furthermore, how does this behavior affect other men who are really missing and not just hauling ass because they hate their life? Doesn’t this make law enforcement balk on filing missing persons reports on them because they might not really be “missing”.
It’s not illegal to disappear, but it is irresponsible and selfish. David Rockey, shame on you.
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Wow….what a piece of s**t. He sounds like my husband who waited till I was in total renal failure to walk away leaving me to raise our son alone. Some people are just worthless. She is better off..and he doesnt deserve crap and I’m sure no judge will grant him anything…hope hes made to pay back child support.
What a spineless POS this sorry excuse for a man is.
Doesn’t sound like anyone searched too hard for this missing husband, including a private investigator. I hope she didn’t pay him. But isn’t it different when a wife goes missing? Right away the whole world is looking for her, and the husband is the prime suspect in the disappearance.
I agree, this guy is scum, and should be thrown in jail for neglect……seven years is a lot of child support
I agree that there is a difference in how the cases are handled. Apparently he didn’t use his social security number at all during the 7 years. It sounds like he was a drifter basically, and the only reason he was found is because he wanted to see his mother and applied for a driver’s license so he could see her. I think his children were almost grown when he disappeared, but still…his wife had to take over the responsibility of keeping the household together.
The whole world doesn’t look for them unless they are newsworthy and fit the profile that brings attention. Natalie Holloway’s family kept the focus on Natalie.
Lots of people can’t own up to responsibility and walk out on spouses but they walk out on their children every day. There are many grandmothers with extra responsibilities because their own children and in-laws didn’t want to be parents for life. So sad… those that were dysfunctional who produced children who turned out to be dysfunctional are the ones now responsible for the “next generation”
Sorry got off topic here but that is where my mind was going.
neat captcha… sunks mcGrath
I don’t have anything to say but I thought I would just post anything since our friends love to see how many posts are posted on this site. Have a Happy 4th of July Murtards. I hope you blow your A** up when you light that firecracker. You never know where it might lf come from.
hahah! THanks COM2. I so needed the laugh today.
Hi! Im new here, but I have been reading for a long time. Love the site. Anyway, what a jerk!
only thought that comes to mind is
Dirt Bag(s)
had to share the captcha goes along with Concerned’s post….hehehehe
past burnt-corked…. corked LMAO
What a spineless loser this guy is.He probably disappeared so he wouldn’t have to pay support.He obviously didn’t give 2 sh*ts about his wife or kids.I would like to smack that goofy smile right off his face.I hope the wife can get some sort of compensation but I doubt he has anything.Aaaarrrgh… guys like this really piss me off.
He’s not the only one who has done this. It’s quite a phenomenon. I know of another person this happened to, and the sorrow these women experience is insurmountable. I can’t imagine having to go through this and let alone being put through it purposely by the one you love.
Seriously, sometimes I wonder what our world is coming to.
I would imagine that having this happen would totally shoot your self esteem all to hell.I can tell you I would never be able to trust another man again.I certainly hope that his kids don’t have anything to do with him .
My Dad left my Mom years ago. He got away with not paying Child support or alimony. But he didn’t disappear. This guy hurt his wife, kids, and his family members by disappearing. Now his wife will probably have to pay back the Life Insurance she received,the SS benefits she got. I think they should make him pay all of it back instead of her.
Hey Concerned, I doubt she received either of those things, because he hadn’t yet been declared “legally dead”.
If that had been my husband, he’d be legally dead right now, though.
Years ago when I was 8 mos. pregnant, my husband went out for milk or cigarettes or something, and I didn’t see him for a week. I was in a panic after a few hours. I made a police report after 48 hours, and a few days later a policeman came to my house to tell me they found him running his usual deliveries at work.
I was stunned. Turns out he left me to go live with his girlfriend. I had no idea. I was floored. But for those days I didn’t know his whereabouts, I was SO worried and heartsick. I really thought something bad had happened to him, as he had made no contact with family or friends in that time. Stupid ass men.
Princess thank you for bringing the maliciously missing topic to your forum.
I walk in the same shoes as Peggy Rockey and it’s all even being played out in the same town all within a week of each other. It should have been major news.
My husband of 24 years went missing in 2005. On May 11, 2009, on my 53rd birthday and 1 week shy of my husband being missing 4 years, and after 28 years married he was cruelly placed in front of me. He had surfaced 17 months earlier but I and my family were put through a very cruel process by a law firm where for 17 months we thought it was a scam and not my husband that had surfaced.
There is a big difference between the maliciously missing and runaway husbands. My husband was gone without a trace. And, YES, we searched and searched for him. There was one phone call early on but we thought he had a gun to his head and when he failed to show when he said he would we thought he was dead. There was also a sighting but no concrete proof was ever given to the family so we assumed it wasn’t him and someone had stolen his ID (June 2005). After that nothing, there was no trail, 2 retirements not touched, bank accounts not accessed, cell phone not being used, email accounts not being accessed, bills not paid, taxes not paid, driver’s license not renewed, family and friends not contacted. Nothing.
So I and our family and friends and co workers grieved for this man. I thought I was a widow, how I would have loved to have just been the jilted wife. Instead I lost 2 homes (the entire contents of one home) and was basically homeless if not for family. I have worked 2 jobs (1 full-time and 1 part-time) almost the entire 4 years. I spent what spare time I had looking at dead bodies trying to bring my husband home for a decent burial. When other people were talking about recipes, and movies and problems at work or what they were going to do for the weekend, I discussed dead bodies, or researched reconstructions, read the descriptions of remnants of remains found, called ME’s and LE across the country. And, I still had to carry on my duties of Mom and grandmom and try to keep a family emotionally stable. I also contacted rehabs, homeless shelters, food kitchens and hospitals across the country. Passed out flyers, you name it I and my girls did it. Every second I prayed for him. I prayed he wasn’t hungry, hurt or scared. I prayed that if he were dead that God would lead me to his bones. You don’t do these things for someone who has decided just to end their marriage but you do do it for someone you think is missing and is endangered.
Over the course of 4 years it became apparent to me that adult males are the least concern of law enforcement. To many in law enforcement all adults are “off starting new lives” and all teenagers “are runaways.” And, no I just didn’t pull that out of my hat because of my own situation. What you all don’t realize is that the families of the missing across the world talk to each other, support each other, confide in each other, cry and yes, laugh with each other. We compare notes. We check in on each other. We lean on each other. This has happened to almost all of the adults and in particular the male adults. How sad it is when law enforcement hesitates because of assumptions and statistics and doesn’t search….I wonder how many lives could have been saved had they not hesitated. And, how many of you out there realize that this ain’t TV?….law enforcement leaves the familes (in most cases) to solve these cases on their own. They don’t return phone calls and emails. They don’t give you any resources so then you are at the mercy of unethical and/or middle school antics of some very unsavory organizations out there. They don’t explain to you how the system works, they don’t enter your loved one in to the national database, they don’t discuss giving DNA….nothing.
And, when you are talking about a spousal case do you know how difficult it is to search when all has been dumped in your lap? Financial, legal, parenting…..everything is dropped in your lap. Hurricane victims get time to put their lives back together, widows are given time to get their lives in order, but nope not the spouse of someone missing…so while you are in the initial stages of shock you are having to make major decisions on all levels. And, because you’re not divorced or widowed you have to get a court order to do anything. I never realized how little rights spouses have, we have just about zilch rights.
So when someone goes maliciously missing don’t even try to take it down to the marital level …… something this heinous has nothing to do with a marriage, this should be seen as a crime. The maliciously missing (barring mental/physical evaluations) have purposely made everyone believe they were dead, including law enforcement. Many crimes are committed by the maliciously missing. Fake IDs, getting paid under the table, not paying taxes, marrying others while they are still legally married, the list can go on and on. Not to mention the taxpayer’s money that is spent on law enforcement and searches.
And, I do not have low self esteem. I caused none of this as it was his actions entirely. I went above and beyond in a search guided by love. I’m a pretty damn good person and I will not take ownership of someone else’s criminal actions.
_________________________________________
I have drafted a proposed law that if passed will make it so no other family will ever have to go through what I and my family did and it will make it so no family of a truly endangered missing person will ever be told that they are “off starting a new life.”
Proposed Law:
Anyone 16 or older who decides to walk away from their life must present themselves to any law enforcement agency in the country within X amount of hours and sign a statement that this is their wish. Law enforcement will need to gather proof that the person standing in front of them is who they say they are. Snapping a photo of the person, fingerprinting and obtaining and entering a DNA swab (national database?) from the person. Law enforcement will then have X amount of hours to notify the family and provide them concrete proof that this is their loved one who stood before them. Law enforcement should also provide to the person walking away from their lives a list of resources to closest mental health agencies, domestic violence shelters, abuse shelters, rehabs, marriage counselors, etc.
Anyone abusing this system will be fined x amount of dollars.
_________________________
My thoughts on this:
LE will no longer be able to say that all adults are off starting new lives and all teenagers are runaways.
It will give LE clear direction on when to begin a search for someone.
It will give families answers immediately.
As for the DNA swab well if you are a spouse of a missing person there are many legal things that come into play that don’t happen in other missing situations. Property, trust, insurance, etc. Even if the spouse is walking away from his/her life but doesn’t pursue divorce yet becomes deceased during this period how is the left behind spouse ever going to know what legal avenues to follow? How will they know their spouse has passed? DNA entered into a national database will certainly help alleviate those questions. Trust me as spouse’s I have found out we have little rights. I had to get a court order for everything I did.
Also, in the case of a teenager who is off starting a new life they are still someone’s daughter/son and the family has a right to know if their child met with foul play while pursuing a new life.
I put in this proposed law that the person walking away can go to any law enforcement in the country in x amount of hours specifically for DV cases and child abuse cases. It will give them distance before they report. And, they won’t have to report to what they may consider a corrupt police agency.
________________
I hope this all helps you to understand what the spouse of a maliciously missing person goes through.
Thank you for the post. I was hoping you would pop in.
Deskside, what a nightmare you’ve lived through and shared with us. Thank you for putting your energy into doing something for change, to help other people so they do not suffer as you have.
Thank you. I know it would be easier to just pull the blankets up over your head.
Thank you Chef……the blankets over my head was sadly not even an option … sounds good right now though!
Deskside, I hope your law passes. It is a good one. I just don’t understand why someone would just walk away like that. I mean, I understand if they want to leave-but why not give that phone call? Two words-we are through. Why put someone through all that and let people think you are dead? Just tell the person it is over. I can understand a teenagers logic-fear: of being brought back, or not being allowed to go. But a full grown husband (or wife?..Have the courage t tell the person you are done and want a different life. Hugs, Deskside, for having the courage to survive, to try and change the laws, and for sharing.
tval,
I don’t understand it either. Marriages fail that’s a given but to walk out on all of your children, grandchildren, friends, coworkers, your whole life obviously there is nothing sane about that. Yet, I’m not allowed to have my husband evaluated….that’s what really doesn’t make sense.
The biggest mistake people make is trying to bring this down to a marital level. If a maliciously missing person does this and there are no mental or medical reasons for their actions then this should be seen as criminal and punishable in the courts.
Diane Dimond’s column on me will be on her website on Monday, July 13. http://dianedimond.net/
Thanks for everyone’s comments.
Not to be glib, but living in Bartlesville OK is enough to make a person want to walk away from their life. I know, I spent some long years in that place.
capcha- plumbling today. sounds more like a horoscope for me as I have some plumbing issues!
I’ve been in towns like that before. There’s good and bad. It’s good because you always know that you know someone who could help you out in a pinch, and then of course, there is the gossip factor and everyone knowing everyone else’s business.
Welcome to BH.
Vikki Stark & Burl Barer Saturday, Aug 1 @ 4pm CST Runaway Husbands
RUNAWAY HUSBANDS!! Wife (or husband) Abandonment Syndrome
Listen Live: http://outlawradio.tv/listenlive.html
Some husbands just up and leave — no warning, no clues — they are just GONE! Is this mental illness, a criminal act of abandonment, or just a really cool way of getting the hell out?
Expert Vikki Stark joins Burl Barer & Don Woldman Saturday August 1st 2pm PST/4pm CST/5pm Eastern to discuss Wife Abandonment Syndrome.
____________________
Maliciously Missing
http://www.reintjes.us
http://www.dianedimond.net
http://peace4missing.ning.com/group/maliciouslyonpurposemissing
I knew Dave Rockey personally. He was one of the nicest guys I ever met. After a long career at Phillips Petroleum he was laid off. He melted down. He wasn’t a confrontational person. Apparently he thought the only way out for himself was to disappear. He took almost nothing with him. His wife had their considerable financial resources at her disposal. Was what he did to his family awful? Yes, it was. But I have no idea what the inner workings of his relationship were. Dave never struck me as a strong person. Would his wife have been happier if she had found his brains blown all over the TV room? I doubt it. My sympathy goes to all of them in this tragic situation. Having worked with Dave even as little as I did, I assumed that he had decided to take off. I’ve been checking for years to see when he would turn back up. He just couldn’t cope. I’ve seen a lot of people in the oil business struggle to deal with being laid off. The ones who had worked for the same company the longest seemed to have the hardest time dealing with it. I never met Peggy. I don’t know why Dave couldn’t talk to her. Maybe he didn’t have the strength for that either. But like I said, I never met a nicer guy than Dave Rockey.
Thanks for the comment, Richard. You are right about would she be happier had she found him dead, no. Absolutely not. That’s not a memory that I would inflict on anyone. It’s just too bad that he wasn’t strong enough to just leave, and maybe even call her to say “Hey, it’s just not working”. That would have at least given her those years to do for herself instead of wondering what happened to him. Breaking up IS hard to do, but someone has to be the adult in the relationship and walk away with all the pieces there – they may be in shambles and none of the pieces in place, but they are all there and will right themselves in time. He bailed and took the pieces with him. Everyone suffered. I hope they can move on now. I’m sure it has been difficult for all of them having to reopen old wounds.
Welcome to BH and thanks again for your personal insight.
In Dave’s case, I don’t think it was really about his marriage. I think it was much more about the end of his career. He was a successful middle manager with a 6 figure income. He was too young to retire and too old to start over. At his age, it would have been very difficult to find a position comparable to what he lost. I think he was more like those IBM managers who, after being laid off, didn’t tell their wives and kept going to work every day like they still had jobs. They couldn’t face their “failure” and obviously couldn’t bring themselves to tell their wives that the life they had created together was over. Dave should have told his family. No doubt about that. But that would have required him to face the very thing he couldn’t – his perceived failure. I know of people who really did commit suicide in this situation. Most of us managed to pick up the pieces and move on. Maybe you don’t really understand unless you’ve been there. Count yourself lucky if you don’t.
I’m glad that I’ll never really understand what Peggy went through. It must have been terrible. I can hardly imagine what it must have like to be left hanging like that. Never knowing what happened. It’s no surprise that she immediately filed for divorce upon learning the truth. How can you ever rebuild trust with someone who has put you through that kind of pain?
How could you trust anyone after that, really? I feel bad for the kids, too. Even though they were grown they missed a lot of years with their father.
The “runaway husband” really is much more prevalent than we know. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything like this reported on national news, and since they aren’t white and beautiful it’s doubtful that their missing stories would make much of a dent between the nightly tidbits.
Neither David Rockey or Jon Van Dyke fit the “runaway husband” category. Even Vikki Stark the expert on “runaway husbands” does not put them in that category but she does put them in a criminal category. What they did was criminal. These aren’t men who just walked away from their lives they ruined their families emotionally and for me financially. These are men that were in 20+ year marriages. They let the world think they were dead, they let their families and friends think they were dead, they KNEW THEY WERE MISSING. For 4 years now I have fought for missing adult males because law enforcement doesn’t give a s**t about them because of the myth that all missing adults are off starting new lives. When law enforcement hesitates to search because of this myth endangered missing adults die.
I don’t know what words to say anymore to get people to understand that the maliciously missing spouses actions have nothing to do with their marriages but everything to do with malicious, criminal acts and cowardly ways. You could say it’s caused by mental illness but that does their spouses no good as legally we can’t get them evaluated. Many criminals are mentally ill.
Nice guys, right. You know what one nice guy did after his wife protected his military retirement by letting the military know he was missing for fear that whoever killed him would get access to it? It accumulated for 4 years, around 50,000 he got in one lump sum and you know what he did with the money he “bought clothes, boots, and gambled it away.” [Court record if you don't believe me.] He didn’t pay his back taxes, he blew it all. He hasn’t paid taxes since 2004. Yet YOUR tax money was used to investigage his disappearance. He blew 50K while his wife [me] worked a full and part-time job just to barely get by. While his wife [me] put in 12-14 hour days to come home at night and look at dead bodies in search of answers, in search of the man I loved. All the while I was keeping our family, our daughters our grandsons together, the very family he professed so much love for time and time again….the family he wound up putting through hell on earth. Nice guy, right?
How I wish this had been a case of a runaway husband, their wives got to see them turn their backs, I didn’t get that, I didn’t even get a chance to throw a shoe at his cowardly back. Four years of living a hellish nightmare. Nice guys don’t do this to their families, they don’t even do it to their enemies.
Dave Rockey didn’t do that. He received what I would estimate was several hundred thousand dollars in severance pay just before he left. He left it all behind for his wife and kids. I agree what he did was terrible. If you want to make it a crime. Go ahead. Will it stop it? I think not. No more than making suicide a crime has stopped people from killing themselves. Some people do terrible things. You can’t stop it. The classic male escape is to kill their entire family before they put the gun to their own head. When a person is willing to do that do you think a law is going to stop them?
I agree that it can’t be stopped, but I wonder if there were some sort of legal ramification if the spouse suffers financial crisis as a result of their disappearance/voluntary skip. It’s an interesting subject that is becoming more prevalent although not reported by the mainstream media.
Richard,
I’m not saying that people don’t have the right to leave and start a new life, we all have that right but in a civilized world you don’t do it the way Jon and David Rockey did. I lost everything, which for 4 years I didn’t care because my love and concern for my husband …. the search for what I thought was my husband’s body was more important, overrode all else. But, even if I had been left in good financial standing money does not erase the emotional hell, the nightmare of not knowing where your loved one is.
My law just makes people accountable for their actions. If they want to leave and are too coward or in the case of DV to fearful of their lives then this gives them a way to report their wishes to start a new life in a safe environment and families get concrete answers right away.
Watch this video that is trailer for a documentary on missing adults:
Project Jason: A Voice for the Missing (Documentary) http://voiceforthemissing.com/ (Click on Videos)
It will give you an idea what families of missing adults face. My law would stop law enforcement from ever saying all missing adults are off starting new lives or all teenagers are runaways. In the trailer for the documentary there is a young woman who dug up her own brother’s rib because law enforcement failed them…..that shouldn’t happen to anyone.
Had my law been in place and this woman’s brother had not reported to police his intention of leaving to start a new life then by law the law enforcement on his case would have had to have treated this as an endangered missing case and taken their search for him seriously. This law could save lives or in the very least give families answers quicker than waiting 2, 5, 10, 15, 20+ years down the road to get answers.
This law actually helps to protect those who are off starting new lives. These people put themselves into extremely dangerous situations and lifestyles while in hiding for years. If my law is passed they won’t have to hide this way.
Not to mention it will certainly help those kidnapped into human trafficking. If a young person doesn’t report in their intention to start a new life ….. they may just get rescued, instead of how it now stands where LE thinks they are just off starting new lives.
As for mainstream media if your not young and beautiful you don’t get press. There are 100,000 missing people in the US alone….how many of their names do you know? How many of their faces do you know?
Diane Dimond had the intelligence and compassion to see my story as newsworthy. I was right up there with her Michael Jackson stories. Oh yes this is newsworthy what happened and as I set about getting my law passed and write my book … you will hear of this, I will make it happen.
Maureen